My pig Percival is graced with an amaranthine loveliness, an ageless and timeless beauty which has forever brought a smile to all who meet him.
Word of the Day: grangerize
My pig Percival sued the Horsehead News Network (HNN) because they decided to run a story about the Holy Hogtied Church of Swineytology in which they featured a copy of The Baconomogon they decided to grangerize by cutting embarrassing pictures out of CosmoPig Magazine and pasting them into its holy texts.
Word of the Day: klatsch
My pig Percival doesn’t want gatherings of members of his Holy Hogtied Church of Swineytology to be formal, stuffy affairs, so he has made an effort to keep the services loose and informal, a coffee and stew klatsch during which members can discuss the things that are going on in the world.
Word of the Day: canard
While there are still many people who believe the wild canard that was published in the Weekly World News and several other publications, my pig Percival has never once force-fed a horse non-organic tofu patties while wearing a red tutu and singing random songs from Meat Loaf’s early catalog; anyone who knows him would be aware that he’d never, ever, buy non-organic tofu patties.
Word of the Day: mansuetude
If you are lost, full of doubt, feeling lonely, or left out, come to Percival’s Holy Hogtied Church of Swineytology and feel the warm mansuetude of the Supreme Baconator as he shares funny, heartfelt and meaningful stories of life, love and the hatred of my brand new pre-shrunk Hummer while dishing out a fine meal of hot Corn and Beer Stew.
Word of the Day: autoschediastical
My pig Percival always found church services to be dull and predictable, so he added a section to the service called the Holy Hamitup, during which thirteen faithful followers shout out the first word that comes to their mind and Percival uses the thirteen words in an improvised comedy skit, after which he and the community review the videotape and interpret the deeper meaning of the autoschediastical sketch in terms of how it relates to life in the real world.
Word of the Day: lickerish
For the more lickerish amongst us, Percival has a higher-priced version of his Corn and Beer Stew made with popcorn and rootbeer, but while it is a very tasty treat, I’d suggest using it as a dessert rather than as a meal.
Word of the Day: byzantine
My pig Percival has been a successful chef in the highly competitive vegan and vegetarian markets despite the byzantine regulations that have been set up to protect the beef and dairy industries from competition while hoodwinking the public into believing that eating vegetables, much like being against war, in favor of clean energy or allowing everyone to go to good doctors, is un-American.
Word of the Day: sockdolager
My pig Percival’s career as a stand-up comedian was short-lived, thanks in large part to booing audiences and rotten vegetables that somehow learned to fly, but the real sockdolager came when his own mother, a little old swine who laughed easily at just about any jokes (even my wife’s jokes), told him to quit his day job and find something he was good at.
Word of the Day: katzenjammer
After my pig Percival returned from his longer-than-a-year tour of duty both as the Supreme Baconator of the Holy Hogtied Church of Swineytology and as the United States’ special envoy to the world, we held a huge party that lasted until the wee hours of the morning and resulted in us all looking as though we were suffering from a form of katzenjammer, but we were really just over-tired; in reality there was nothing stronger than decaffeinated coffee and Percival’s own Corn and Beer Stew served during the party.
Word of the Day: chatoyant
Like most religions, color is important within my pig Percival’s Holy Hogtied Church of Swineytology; as such, Percival has made a point of using robes that feature chatoyant colors that suggest the wearer may, in fact, sparkle in the sunlight, a phenomenon most commonly associated with certain minerals, precious metals and one species of oddly-attractive-and-romantic vampires.
Word of the Day: prevaricate
My pig Percival, creator of the world-renowned Corn and Beer Stew (a dish clinically proven to warm the heart and ease the mind), had to terminate the contract with his marketing firm because they refused to stick to the facts in their advertising, choosing instead to exaggerate and prevaricate with statements about it being able to cure cold sores, migraines, bladder infections and plantar warts when it is really only meant to cure the common cold.
Word of the Day: exculpate
My pig Percival spent some time in Washington, D.C. last year where he stood, snout-to-nose, with the evil denizens of Big Oil and demanded that they accept guilt for their crimes against the planet, but all they would do was attempt to exculpate themselves by laying the blame on the auto industry, the consumers and even the poor dinosaurs and other creatures that laid down their lives millions of years ago so that we could have something thick, black and sticky to burn today.
Percival's Place 