Word List 12

The words for this list are:

everyone	it’s	every one
a lot	any way	anyway
already	all ready	its
alright

The sentences for this list are:

 

1. Everyone seems impressed when I tell them that my pig can dance, sing, cook and bring home the bacon, but then they are disappointed when they learn that the only way my pig can fly is by getting into an airplane.
2. It’s really annoying when my pig has his Twinkie-and-Ho-Ho-induced “1970s Dreams” because he will prance around like a disco star, squealing and snorting his way around his pen with a rhythm that is similar to “Stayin’ Alive”, eventually waking the neighbors and causing them to call the police because they are afraid, when all he really needs is for me to go out and start up my brand new, pre-shrunk Hummer so that the gentle roar of the engine can lull him back to sleep.
3. When we go to the store, my pig inspects every one of the ears of corn before buying them, causing the trip to take several hours to complete.
4. A lot of people believe that my pig is abusing his position as the Chief Baconator of the Holy Hogtied Church of Swineytology because he often preaches that full salvation will come to those who accept the full Power of the Hog and eat more of his special Holy Organic Corn and Beer Stew, while those who resist the Power of the Hog in any way will be doomed to a future of eating cold gruel and warm, flat soda as they toil away in their drab, wretched lives.
5. I told my pig that it was a bad idea to substitute sand for the fine corn he normally uses in his corn and beer stew, but he did it anyway in an effort to imply how much better his brand of corn and beer stew is than the competition.
6. At the young and innocent age of six my pig was already showing a propensity toward having a pot belly and an affinity for bad television shows about what happens when stupid people try to build airplanes out of slabs of Canadian bacon, pork rinds and tofu.
7. My pig sells a lot of his corn and beer stew over the internet and on Wednesday’s he works really hard to pack the orders into shipping boxes, calling me over when they are all ready for me to bring them to the post office and send them on their way to the eagerly waiting customers around the globe.
8. When my brand new, pre-shrunk Hummer roars to life, brazenly interrupting the early-morning silence with its violent dieseling, my pig comes prancing over to the vehicle and tries to get me to turn it off so that he could sleep some more.
9. My pig thinks that everything in the world would be alright if we would simply plot out our trips in the brand new, pre-shrunk Hummer such that we can make all right turns, so he prints out the maps from the internet and hands them to me so that I can make sure that the directions are all right, since this one time, on the way to Ham Camp, the directions turned out to be all wrong and we were lost for hours as we made right turn after right turn in a quest to save our bacon from the beasts that lurk in the backwater towns around Ham Camp.

Word List 11

The words for this list are:

eons	multitude	plenitude
scurried	pondered	peninsula

The sentences for this list are:

1. Back when my pig was young and spry, before he developed his pot belly, before the bad back and the bunions slowed him down, before the arthritis and the pulled Hammy and the strained tail brought him to his knees and before the thirteen torn ACLs (and corresponding physical therapy sessions) broke his spirit, it was almost impossible to tell the difference between my pig and one of the many squirrels in the yard as he ran and skipped and scurried through the bushes and onto the thick branches of the great old oak tree that grew next to the house.
2. Peninsulas are against the mandates and beliefs of the Holy Hogtied Church of Swineytology, the religion of which my pig is the Supreme Baconator, because my pig has despised any term which contains the word ‘pen’ ever since the day I rescued him from the cold, muddy confines of the pig pen in Sula’s farm, the pen defined by the razor wire on three sides and a smooth brick wall on the fourth, and so when my pig learned that New Jersey is, in fact, a peninsula, he attempted to dig a trench along the New Jersey/New York border, a trench so deep that it would turn New Jersey into an island unto itself, a land not tied down to the false, misleading ways of the past, a beacon of hope for penned pigs everywhere, calling out to them from the wilderness as if to sooth them, saying, “New Jersey and you… perfect together.”
3. My pig and I have often pondered the meaning of life as we sat in our favorite yoga positions, me in a modified downward facing dog position and him in the supine swine position he invented when he was a substitute Pilates instructor at the local dance school, and while we usually disagreed about silly things such as the Deeper Meaning of Twinkies or about the level of truth that could be found in the controversial book, “The Tao of the Green Jell-O Benedictum,” we were always in agreement that the number thirteen was the most wonderful, the luckiest and the most perfect number in the entire universe and so we spent the majority of our time writing our brand new music book, “Thirteen Songs in Thirteen-Eight Time,” a book which will completely change the way the world works and bring peace, joy, love and justice to all the downtrodden and desperate people of the world.
4. At first I had my doubts about how the world would view my pig, the Supreme Baconator of the Holy Hogtied Church of Swineytology, but I knew that everything was going to be alright once the President of the United States mentioned him in the same breath with a multitude of American icons such as apple pie, the Grand Canyon, Simon Cowell and brand new, pre-shrunk Hummers.
5. My pig is certain that the reason the flu and the common cold has been so bad this year is that our immune systems are not equipped to handle the multitude of viruses, germs and bacteria that are being re-introduced into the environment after so many eons of being locked up, dormant, in and under the ancient ice that is now melting due to the climate change that is being caused, in part, by my brand new, pre-shrunk Hummer as it diesel’s its way down the highway.
6. My pig loves the town in which we live because there is so much rain and snow that there is always a plenitude of mud and grime for him to wallow in while he waits impatiently for his corn and beer stew to finish cooking on the pot-bellied stove we installed for him out by the garage.

Word List 10

The words for this list are:

age	page	cage
badge	budge	fudge
old	most	floor
piece

The sentences for this list are:

1. My pig is getting better with age, just like a fine wine.
2. Someday I will take a page from my pig’s book and roll around in the mud with a cold beer and some hot corn.
3. I am not often allowed out of this cage I call my office to go out to frolic and play with my pig.
4. I like to pretend that this is a police badge, but I am really only a pig inspector.
5. I push and I shove but my pig just won’t budge so I’m going to have to get out the saw and cut him free from the doggy door he tried unsuccessfully to squeeze through.
6. I wish I could find the time to stop, smell the roses and eat a giant plate of fudge with my pig.
7. I am as old as the dirt my pig spies with his little eyes while searching for tasty pies.
8. I, like most people from my planet, cannot believe that pigs here on Earth don’t fly.
9. I would never, ever, blame my pig for the dirt that is on the floor because it is really the kids who are at fault for not appropriately convincing my wife to wipe the pig’s feet before he comes in from the mud.
10. While it makes me very angry, I guess it is okay that nearly every person on the planet has forgotten to say they are sorry for repeatedly neglecting to give their pigs a piece of birthday cake in honor of the day my pig, Percival, was born in a lowly inn because there was no room for a pregnant pig in the barn.

Word List 9

Note:  This was actually the very first word list for which Percival made an appearance in order to aid my daughter with her homework.  This is where it all began.

The words for this list are:

old	fold	told
cold	roll	most
find	child	during

The sentences for this list are:

1. My pig, Percival, is very old, so old, in fact, that he remembers those days from long ago when listening to music while going to school meant singing, humming or whistling to yourself as you walked up hill, both ways, in the snow.
2. My pig is very particular about how his laundry gets put into his dresser and after our latest battle about it I informed him that he would need to fold his own fancy underwear from now on.
3. I thought my hair looked nice, but when my pig saw me he just shook his head, snorted loudly and told me to lose my cute pigtails before I went to the big hockey game. 
4. My pig likes his corn to be hot and his beer to be cold.
5. My pig likes to rock and roll all night (and party every day), he likes to roll on down the highway in my brand new, pre-shrunk Hummer, but mostly he likes to roll in the mud.
6. Most pigs do not like olives, pickles or chocolate truffles, but my pig likes them, though  beer, corn and pizza are his real favorites.
7. My pig cannot find his way out of a box.
8. My pig is not allowed to vote because he is a child.
9. During the most recent election cycle, my pig complained about the glaring under-representation of his kind in Congress despite the media reports about all of the pork that seemed to be filling the vast spaces of Capitol Hill.

Word List 8

The words for this list are:

should	childhood	you
routine	soup	coupon
seat	able	group

The sentences for this list are:

1. My wife should have known better than to tell me that I have to choose between playing with my dirty, smelly pig and rubbing her dirty, smelly feet, because while my pig may be known to be dirty and smelly, her feet are known to be highly toxic and are, in fact, banned in some states.
2. It was my childhood dream to travel the universe with my pig, meeting different creatures from different worlds, just like our heroes, the stars of “Pigs in Space,” always did.
3. You would not believe the number of times that my pig has danced around the living room wearing my daughter’s favorite leotard and making up a complicated ballet routinefor his favorite Korn songs.
4. My favorite thing to do on a cold, winter’s morning is to curl up with a good pig while sipping a cup of piping hot beer and corn soup.
5. My pig’s day went completely awry when the cashier informed him that the coupon for fancy, used French underwear had expired and he would therefore have to pay full retail price if he really wanted to complete his collection.
6. My pig and I went to the movie theater to see a show and we were asked to leave because people complained about how my pig was picking his seat.
7. I quit my last job when I was told that I was not able to bring my pig to work on Take Your Child to Work Day, even though he was at least as smart as the monkey’s uncles that were paid to be there each day and had far better personal hygiene than most of them, too.
8. The groupof squirrels walking quietly and healthfully down the street reminded me that I had forgotten to take my brand new pre-shrunk Hummer out for its daily constitutional and so my pig and I got out the ladders and climbed into the monstrous vehicle, taking it on a good, long drive through the rivers and over the woods in order to remind the beasts who was really the boss.

Word List 7

The words for this list are:

look	could	would
cook	boyhood	childhood
book	foot	should
stood

The sentences for this list are:

1. My pig’s boyhood dream was to fly like an eagle, to the sea, fly like an eagle so that he could carry me.
2. After climbing over the foot of my bed to avoid stepping on my pig who was sleeping quietly on the floor next to me, I proceeded to gain a bloody, gross, foot-long gash up my leg after I tripped over the toy that was resting invisibly in the dark at the foot of the stairs, sending me reeling forward into the ghastly depths of the cold, dark night with platelets and hemoglobin and blood sugars gushing all over my throbbing right foot. 
3. I am reading a very interesting book right now, called “Of Pajamas and Pigs: Porking Your Way to a Better Night’s Sleep and a Successful New You,” about the 363,293 things you can do to be more content as you live out the rest of your dull, annoying, pathetic life.
4. I would like to go to the park some day soon and frolic in the fields with my pig, push him on the swings and watch him as he plays on the monkey bars.
5. I should warn you that my pig’s pen is far mightier than his sword.
6. Today I woke up, got dressed, shaved, showered, walked the dog, ate a worm, stood in line at the gym, drove to work, stood in line at the coffee pot, stood in line at the water cooler, stood up to be counted and then stood in my boss’s office to explain that I understood what the acronym “QBQ”^[1] stood for.
7. When I look back on my day, all I see are the pot holes and road humps that throw my pig and me around the vast expanse of my brand new pre-shrunk Hummer because we don’t need to wear seat belts in a tank like that!
8. I could have been a contender, but instead I became a pig befriender.
9. Back in the days before the iPod, yes, back in the days of our childhood, my pig and I would have to walk uphill both ways in the snow carrying player pianos on our shoulders if we wanted to hear our favorite tunes.
10. When my pig got home from his trip down to his favorite aviary on Thanksgiving morning, he learned that his goose was cooked because he was late for dinner.
11. After watching the Food Network all day, my pig and I fantasized about what it would be like to be world-renowned chefs so that we could cook a pile of string beans, invent a fancy name like “Fresh Steamed Legumes Verdantino in a Light Cream and Garlic Sauce” and then charge $100 or more while serving the customers an oversized, white plate with six green beans and an artistically dribbled bit of gravy on it.

Return to Sentences¹If you do not know, the acronym ‘QBQ’ stands for “The Question Behind the Question” and is in reference to a book my pig had to read called QBQ: The Question Behind the Question” by John G. Miller.  According to my pig, it is, essentially, “… a book about personal accountability and how if you don’t understand what you’re being asked to do, it’s your own fault so stop asking veiled questions that make it someone else’s fault and just fess up to being less intelligent than everyone else who either does understand or is smart enough not to ask…”  My pig did not enjoy this book at all.

Word List 6

The words for this list are:

airport	pair	morning
share	boat	rare
city	hair	airplane

The sentences for this list are:

1. My pig was arrested today for arguing with a security guard at the airport when the guard insisted that he could not carry on fifty pounds of hot corn and a keg of cold beer.
2. My pig bought a new pair of fancy French underwear last week when they were on sale at the local Target.
3. After careful consideration, I have decided that my pig is not ever going to be a goalie for the New Jersey Devils and so I have stopped forcing him to go to hockey practice every morning at the ice rink, instead forcing him to practice all day long in preparation for the tryouts for the Olympic ice dancing team.
4. My pig decided that he would share his corn and beer with the rest of the passengers on the airplane and so the security guard allowed him to go on board with little more than a warning.
5. Next time my pig decides to take corn and beer on a trip, he plans to travel on a boat, hoping he’ll have less trouble than he had at the airport today.
6. It is very rare to find a pig as talented as my pig is.
7. Last time my pig and I went to the cityto see a play, we were bothered by a pigeon, a few cockroaches, a New York Rangers defenseman and the Naked Cowboy.
8. When my pig came running into the room on that dark and stormy night, he startled me with his amazing coat of thick, long, black hair, which he grew by faithfully applying liberal amounts of Rogaine for Women and Just for Men gel.

Word List 5

The words for this list are:

telephone	taller	lion
men	happier	oil
smartest	tallest	smallest

The sentences for this list are:

1. “My brand new pre-shrunk Hummer is much, much taller than your puny little Suburban,” I shouted pompously over our two gas guzzling monstrosities as they dieseled angrily at each other on this cool spring morning.
2. I was very angry today because I called my pig on the telephone and I left him a message which he chose to ignore despite my insistent and pathetic plea for a return call.
3. My pig is not a tame lion, so do not be surprised if he acts like a beast in the morning.
4. My pig believes that real men don’t drive Hummers.
5. My pig believes that the whole world would be a much happier place if everyone would just agree to admit that he is always right and that his way is always the right way.
6. I was appalled when my pig texted me to let me know that the President had a speech today in which he said that we are addicted to oil and that this was good for our economy, so he would make it his mission to feed our addiction by giving tax breaks to Exxon-Mobil and other oil companies so that they no longer have to use their profits to lobby the Congress in their efforts to reduce gas mileage requirements so that our struggling Hummer dealers might have a chance to increase their market share.
7. The smartest pig I’ve ever met is not smarter than the Lorax, who speaks for the trees for the trees have no tongues.
8. The tallest building in my town is touted as being made entirely of recycled Hummer tires, but my pig pointed out that this cannot be true because people who drive Hummers don’t recycle their tires, they throw them in the rivers and streams because they think that fish enjoy an occasional steel-belted treat.
9. The smallest little things get my pig angry because he doesn’t want to let The Man push him around.

Word List 4

The words for this list are:

petroglyphs	telephone	graph
laugh	enough	birthday
dance	buy	paragraph
photo

The sentences for this list are:

1. I could write a whole paragraph about what my pig did last summer but I think I should probably spare you the nasty, horrible, atrocious details by explaining that the tale contains elements of suspense, espionage, diarrhea, raw bacon, emergency room visits and many, many meals consisting of hot corn and cold beer served from the back of my brand new, pre-shrunk Hummer.
2. My pig cries every time he sees the photo of himself frolicking at Ham Camp with the cute little Canadian swine with the pig tails and the red bow around her neck.
3. For my pig’s next birthday, I am planning to buy him a brand new pre-shrunk Hummer t-shirt that matches the glimmering behemoth that is lurking and hulking out in the driveway.
4. If it is too early in the morning for my pig to start hunting for truffles, perhaps he can instead search for ancient petroglyphs left in his pig pen millions of years ago by his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grand pig, Hreodbehort, inventor of the pigroglyhic writing style that was so common in ancient times in what is now known as Hamilton, New Jersey.
5. My pig keeps track of how many times he farts each day by plotting this important information on a line graph.
6. My pig feels real bad when he does not laugh at my wife’s jokes, but I taught him not to lie and so he does not pretend to think that she is funny.
7. My pig is of the opinion that it is not enough to ask what your country can do for you, but instead to ask what your country can do for your pig.
8. When the telephone rang, my pig raced to answer it in case it was the dance school calling to say that he could dance with the pretty girls at this year’s dance recital, but it was just the stupid President calling to explain the new Medicare program and his plans to fix Social Security by giving tax breaks to oil companies to help them with the hard work of fueling our retirement.

Word List 3

The words for this list are:

threw	sisters	new
fruit	church	windows
shouldn’t	bruise	grew
juice	stew

The sentences for this list are:

1. I knew that Gary, my new pet gnu, was not going to be popular when my pig locked poor Gary in the back of my brand new pre-shrunk Hummer and blared old Whitesnake and Winger songs on the diesel powered CD player that came standard on all 2006 models.
2. My pig shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near my Hummer or my one-of-a-kind collection of 80′s hair band CDs because he just doesn’t understand the importance of these things within our society.
3. I swear that I do not know how I got that Holy Grail shaped bruise on my left earlobe.
4. My sisters never believe me when I say that my windows reflect sunlight onto the building next door in such a way as to cast an eerie glow on my pig’s mud hole.
5. Last year my pig grew fourteen different varieties of ragweed and twenty-seven unique varieties of burrs in his organic garden.
6. My church decided to hold a fundraiser by selling homemade goods, so my pig donated forty pounds of his world-renowned week-old corn and beer stew.
7. I enjoy sipping fruit juice with my pig and his smelly friends on a warm, mid-summer night when the flies and mosquitoes sing sweet melodies in our ears.
8. My pig threw a fit last week when he heard from his sisters about the Pope’s new ruling which stated that anyone who threw fruit at church windows shouldn’t be allowed to lick the juice off the sidewalk that runs around the building unless the alleged fruit thrower had a bruise shaped like the Holy Grail on his or her left earlobe or if said thrower grew that fruit from seed that was scattered and sown using plowshares that were made from swords on alternating Wednesdays or on specific Fridays during Lent for which people were granted special dispensation to eat stew.

Word List 2

The words for this list are:

we’ll	you’ll	can’t
it’s	preheat	shouldn’t
surprise	kittens	shop
recycle

And my sentences are:

1. We’ll really need to do something about that pig and his giant ego before he gets completely out of control and auditions for American Idol, singing his favorite Korn and Jessica Simpson songs for all the world to hear.
2. You’llnotice that there are over one hundred different ways to waste gas while owning a brand new, pre-shrunk Hummer.
3. My pig just can’t wait to be King of the United States.
4. It’s a shame that pigs can’t fly up in the sky with pumpkin pie so I can spy them with my little eye before I die and that’s no lie.
5. When making his world famous Pig Pen brand of mud pies, my pig likes to preheat his mud oven by crawling into it and farting repeatedly, allowing him to use an ‘All Natural’ and ‘Organic’ label on his product.
6. There are many, many reasons why you shouldn’tever allow a pig to drive your brand new, pre-shrunk Hummer to dance class, not the least of which is the fact that Hummers should be illegal on all public roads.
7. It was a pleasant surprise to see so many pigs and kittens hanging out together, singing, dancing and having a good and relaxed time, especially considering the many years of war and strife that had torn their ancient alliance apart over a silly misunderstanding about the quality and nutritional value of pig’s milk that had found its way into popular brands of cat food.
8. No matter how much Percival insists that it is the best store on the planet, I never, ever want to be forced to shop at Marty’s Second-hand Adult Underwear Store.
9. When you are finished abusing me with all of your hateful words, I hope that you will recycle me so that someone else can have a chance to experience the same joy and happiness as you have enjoyed while verbally attacking me.

Word List 1

The words for this list are:

think	river	alone
hurried	cried

And my sentences are:

1. I think that it would be very exciting to see my pig on a stage filled with rose petals and half-eaten root beer lollipops while wearing a pink tutu and dancing to the sounds of a full orchestra playing a rousing medley of my favorite Korn, Foo Fighters and Kelly Clarkson tunes.
2. Last week, when I was cleaning the lint out of my belly button with some Windex, a leaf blower and a golf pencil, my pig was out yachting on the river with a slightly confused chicken, two rabid badgers and a half-dozen Chihuahuas with excruciatingly bad breath and rather annoying attitude problems.
3. The thing I like best about spending time alone in the early morning hours is the distant sound of my pig snoring away contentedly, dreaming of ripe, juicy, seedless watermelons dancing in his favorite underwear drawer.
4. The whole town hurried over to my house last Tuesday when it was announced that my pig was hosting the I famous Pork Rock star, Notorious P.I.G., for a one-of-a-kind party in the mud pit in front of my garage door.
5. My pig cried after every episode of Teen Titans in which Beast Boy failed to turn into a crime-fighting, city-saving, hero of a green pig, instead opting for the over-used and overly common dinosaurs, elephants, tigers and occasional rodents.